i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
