I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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