im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
