Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
