I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
