The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
