I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
