So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
