Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I love you. Go after that dick
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
