It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
