It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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