Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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