why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
