I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
