I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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