My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
