You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
