my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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