In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Found your dick twin last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
