You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
