Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
