Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
