He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
