So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
