I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
