im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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