They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
