oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
