Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
