I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
