i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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