He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
