ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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