I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
