Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
