dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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