There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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