I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
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