Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
