dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
