420 ftw
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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