my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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