Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
