He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
