Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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