I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
