we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
