Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your penis caused this!
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