i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
