Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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