I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
