I cockslap morals
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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