You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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