I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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