these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
