my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
