its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What a dumb baby whore.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
