Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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