OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I supernannyed him into submission
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