I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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