I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
