my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
