Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
