In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
