I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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