Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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